T.J. Holmes and Amy Robach were brutally honest while giving advice to a 59-year-old man looking to “pursue” a relationship with a 19-year-old girl.
As part of their “Ask Amy and T.J.” advice column for Yahoo Life, Holmes, 47, and Robach, 52, shared a letter they received from a fan, which stated, “I’m 59, she is 19. I’ll wait while you shake off the obvious initial reaction … She and I have found intimacy at a level we never thought existed while navigating the complexity of falling in love. You guys could not be more correct … love is indeed messy!”
The anonymous person requested some “non-judgmental feedback” about whether he should find a way to make the romance work.
“Finding the courage to step off the cliff of ‘settling for less,’ in hopes of experiencing the kind of love that even the best poets, artists and musicians can’t fully describe, is paralyzing!” he wrote. “She and I are currently standing on that cliff.”
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Holmes and Robach didn’t hold back in their response, which started with a comparison to Bill Belichick, who is 73, and his girlfriend, Jordon Hudson, who is 24.
“That’s a 49-year age gap for them. It’s not a morality thing, but there are 25-year-olds I don’t have anything in common with,” Holmes noted. “So, how does this work?”
Holmes made it clear that he couldn’t “in good conscience” show his support.
“Love can take so many forms. You never know where you’re going to find it, how, when or with whom. Sometimes love just happens and, if you’re not hurting yourselves or someone else, who are we to say it’s wrong?” he continued. “If you really care about this woman, and love her, think of how much life she has ahead of her and how much she might miss out on by being with a nearly 60-year-old man.”
Holmes added: “She’s going to miss out on being a teenager, on partying with her friends, on so much of the stupid little stuff that’s part of our formative years. Don’t take that from her.”
Robach, meanwhile, tried to reason that “it’s not so much about the age gap.”
“I’m not interested in judging who should date whom,” Robach noted. “There are people who fill different roles in our lives and the age difference between you might feel comfortable and safe to her right now. But I can’t imagine that it’s always going to be that way. And it’s her age that is a bigger red flag for me.”
In her response, Robach highlighted the “power imbalance and an experience imbalance,” writing, “I see many potential problems for you both because she is so impressionable at this age. Both T.J. and I got married for the first time when we were 23. And I wouldn’t advise that either! Because you don’t yet know who you are in your teens and 20s. Your brain is still forming, growing and developing until you’re 27.”
Holmes and Robach attempted to offer insight without judgment by relating it back to their experience as a couple. The pair’s relationship made headlines in November 2022 when they were spotted getting cozy with one another while still married to other people.
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“When our relationship was outed, the first and most important thing we had to get was the support of our children, friends and parents. We needed that. Most couples do, especially if their relationship is going to be scrutinized, and you should be prepared that yours might be,” Robach shared. “The truth is that a 19-year-old doesn’t know s***.”
She continued: “She’s had almost zero experience, and she’s trying to have a relationship with you, somebody who has had decades of different relationship experiences. You know what you want and need, and what you don’t. You know what you can give. She doesn’t know any of those things yet. She hasn’t yet had a chance to explore who she is.”
Holmes concluded by clarifying that he isn’t saying the man is “doing anything wrong,” but if he loves her, he should “let that girl go.” Robach was of the same mindset in her final response.
“You two need to ask a lot of hard questions about what you’re willing to sacrifice. You, as the older person, need to think about what impact this could have on someone you love,” she concluded. “Sometimes love is doing the right thing instead of what you want or need in that moment, but it’s doing right by the person you love. It’s setting them up for the best success in life.”
