Erik Menéndez credited wife Tammi Menéndez for helping him survive difficult times in prison — including an assault behind bars.
“When I first came to prison, I wasn’t just sentenced to prison. I was sentenced to prison to never see my brother again, to never have a hope for freedom,” Erik, 54, recalled during the Thursday, February 20, episode of the “2 Angry Men” podcast. “I had to defend myself in a very violent Level 4 — which is considered a maximum security prison — where I didn’t know anyone and I’m 600 miles away from any place that I’d ever really been to.”
Erik was “very alone and afraid” throughout his first years in prison, adding, “It was hard for me. I faced a lot of bullying and trauma. It was a dangerous environment. Fortunately, I had the love of a woman that came into my life and brought a little precious daughter.”
One alleged incident has stayed with Erik to this day.
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“I was picked on for being bullied violently and it was traumatic and continual. There’s a thing that a lot of inmates in prison go through when they’re not part of a gang structure. They come in and they’re basically a lone wolf. They just have to be by themselves,” he detailed. “Prison can be hard, and there’s a lot of suffering here. So I was like, ‘I’m not going to fight back. I’m not going to engage.’ I had no one to really turn to for help since I was separated from Lyle.”
Erik continued: “I remember the day that I was told Lyle just got assaulted and got his jaw broken. … It was difficult and that’s why it took years to work out of it because you have to find yourself in prison. I believe that Corrections is doing their best. They’re really trying. But 25 years ago, it was an even darker and more dangerous place.”
Despite the challenges he faced, Erik was grateful for Tammi’s presence in his life. “I began to experience fatherhood and growth and I began to heal a lot of the self-hate and self-loathing that I dealt with all of my life,” he continued. “When I came to prison, I didn’t come to prison healed. I came to prison dealing with the traumatic wounds of my past and the tragic crime that resulted. I had to face all of those truths and journey through that dark place of prison.”
Erik and his brother, Lyle Menéndez, were arrested in 1990 on two counts of first-degree murder after their parents — José and Kitty — were found dead in their home in August 1989. Two trials resulted in Erik and Lyle, 57, being sentenced to life without parole. Both have alleged that their mother and father were physically, emotionally and sexually abusive.
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“It was very, very difficult for me and there were a lot of starts and stops. Frankly, it was very difficult. When I began to really work on myself and realize that I’m not flawed and that there isn’t something inherently wrong with me, then light began to open up,” Erik continued on Thursday. “I began to love myself again. That frankly is what has given me hope. For people that are victims of severe childhood trauma, we live in the shadows and in this inner pain and in this silence where we have self-humiliation, self-condemnation and self-loathing.”
While serving his prison sentence, Erik got married to Tammi, 62, in 1999 after she started writing letters to him. Erik also took on a stepfather role with Tammi’s daughter, whom she shares with her ex-husband.
“A lot of my freedom came from understanding that I’m actually someone that is capable of being loved and that I deserve love,” Erik noted during Thursday’s interview. “I’m striving to be a good person. I’m striving to be a better person every day and I want to be a person that my family can be proud of for certain. I want my daughter to be proud of me and my wife to be proud of me and my extended family to be proud of me and my brother to be proud of me.”
