Allison Holker revealed in her new book that late husband Stephen “tWitch” Boss was in “an almost constant state of high” prior to his December 2022 death.
“What I didn’t know until I surveyed our backyard security cameras was that Stephen’s smoking had ratcheted up,” Holker, 36, wrote in her book This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light, released on Tuesday, February 4. “He was smoking in the morning and at night. It’s almost as if he used one strain of pot at the start of the day to become tWitch, then used another at night to come down from that persona.”
Holker claimed that tWitch was also “sneaking out to smoke” while on The Ellen DeGeneres Show set.
“To the best of my knowledge, nobody knew. He was really good at hiding it,” she continued. “If I had been aware of the extent of his usage, I would have gone into protector mode right away.”
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The So You Think You Can Dance? alum wrote that she would have made rehab happen “no questions asked” for tWitch if that’s what he wanted.
“Of course, he would have had to be amenable to it, and Stephen’s behavior demonstrated that he clearly didn’t want my — or anybody else’s — help,” Holker wrote. “He went to extreme measures to make sure nobody suspected anything was amiss.”
In December 2022, tWitch died by suicide at age 40. In the years following his death, Holker discovered that her husband was struggling with drug addiction in the months prior to his death. She detailed these revelations in This Far.
“My naivete about his smoking became apparent later when I went through the apps on his phone and realized he was visiting one of the handful of dispensaries in our area every night,” she wrote. “He attempted to make it more challenging to smoke by storing his weed in our storage unit, which was miles from our house, but I suspect in retrospect that he headed there some of the times that he claimed to be going to the office.”
Holker explained that tWitch would smoke marijuana to “alleviate his anxiety,” but she wrote that this became “counterproductive” when he wasn’t “completely present” for their family.
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Holker and tWitch, who married in 2013, shared two kids together: Maddox, 8, and Zaia, 4. Holker is also the mother to 16-year-old Weslie from a prior relationship. While tWitch never legally adopted Weslie, he helped raise her.
“He was there but not there, which fed his insecurities about how he was failing as a father,” Holker wrote. “He loved being around the kids, but it was also his biggest trigger.”
This Far is out now.
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If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
