Dave Portnoy and Josh Richards are Brianna “Chickenfry” LaPaglia’s ultimate defenders following her breakup with Zach Bryan.
The “BFFs” podcast hosts released a diss track titled “Smallest Man” on Wednesday, November 6. While the tune was removed from YouTube on copyright grounds, its music video is still available to watch on Instagram.
“I said trust me, caught your pants on fire / Tinder, Bumble, Raya, knew you was a liar,” the song starts. “You’re a douchebag, you just made a new rival / Pretty soon you going to need a revival.”
In the music video, Portnoy, 47, and Richards, 22, are dressed as policemen and pull over a man who looks like Bryan, 28, driving a pickup truck.
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The lyrics claim Bryan “f—ed up” and tell him to “go and post it on your Instagram Story.”
Bryan announced his split from LaPaglia in a social media post late last month (hence the Instagram reference). The Barstool Sports personality — who cohosts the “BFFs” and “PlanBri Uncut” podcasts — claimed she was “blindsided” by the announcement, alleging she and Bryan agreed to keep the breakup news under wraps.
Portnoy and Richards wasted no time taking shots at Bryan on the track, referencing the titles of his songs “Revival” and “I Remember Everything” in the lyrics.
“You say you remember everything, I guess not because you forgot about your wedding ring / This ain’t a subtweet, I ain’t coming subliminal, you’re great at being country without a second syllable,” Richards sings. “My fist plus your face, simple addition / The way you did her wrong, man is sickening.”
Bryan was briefly married to Rose Madden for one year from 2020 to 2021. He moved on with Deb Peifer shortly thereafter, and they were together for two years before breaking up in May 2023. Bryan started dating LaPaglia in July of that year.
Richards also references Bryan’s Oklahoma roots, saying, “But you’re from OK, well, OK, if you say so / Kinda ironic because soon you’re getting this KO.” (Bryan’s song “Oklahoma Smokeshow” is also mentioned on this portion of the diss track.)
“Looking for pink skies, but now you’re seeing stars / There’s something in the orange and it’s you behind these bars, bitch,” the song continues before transitioning into audio from Bryan’s September 2023 arrest. (Bryan was arrested on an obstruction of investigation charge and released on bail shortly thereafter.)
Portnoy later calls Bryan “ugly” and throws shade at the singer’s “s—ty tats.” The Barstool Sports founder also says that Bryan’s “head looks like a Lego” and he has hair “like Homer Simpson.”
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“Country singing boss baby, get that boy a snack / Throw another temper tantrum, it’s time for a nap,” the lyrics continue. “Think you’re on some s— tryna diss Taylor Swift, did a hundo ‘gram stories apologizing like a bitch.” (Bryan wrote via X in September that he believed Kanye West was better than Swift. He later apologized for the message, claiming that he had been drinking.)
Portnoy also calls out Bryan for trying to “split up” LaPaglia and her best friend Grace O’Malley. (The pair have stated that they are still friends but went through a rough patch this past year.)
“Consider this a warning for the next girl that dates you,” Portnoy sings. Richards chimes in, adding, “We know for a fact that your whole band hates you.”
The diss track ends with a snippet from Bryan’s song “28,” which is about his relationship with LaPaglia.
“How lucky is Bri to be free of ZB,” Portnoy and Richards sing, tweaking Bryan’s original lyrics.
LaPaglia took a mental health break from both of her podcasts amid her split from Bryan. But at the end of the song, it’s announced that a new episode of “BFFs” will be released on Thursday, November 7.
