James Middleton is discussing his experience with suicidal thoughts and depression in his forthcoming memoir, Meet Ella: The Dog Who Saved My Life.
In the new book, which will be released on Thursday, September 26, Princess Kate Middleton’s brother shared how his spaniel Ella was instrumental in saving his life.
“Life is no longer worth living,” James wrote in an excerpt from Meet Ella published by the Daily Mail. “I feel suicidal. I contemplate ways of dying so I can get off the giddy roller-coaster that is sending me to the brink of madness.”
Recalling one particularly harrowing night in 2017, James remembered climbing up onto the roof of his home.
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“I pace up and down, but there is no reprieve from the torment in my mind,” he explained. “Dark thoughts crowd in on me,” James wrote. “What can I do to make them stop? I think about jumping from the rooftop. Who would find me? A passing taxi-driver?”
After considering how a potential suicide would impact his family, James was distracted by the sight of his pet dog.
“As I pace, I look down through the skylight and see my spaniel Ella’s gentle eyes looking back up at me,” he said. “Like me, she has been wakeful all night. She senses my strange, agitated state of mind.”
Although James didn’t immediately climb down from the roof, it was his dog Ella’s presence that stopped him from acting on any suicidal thoughts.
“Ella has not moved,” James wrote. “Her brown eyes are still staring intently at me, soulful and pleading, and as my gaze locks on hers again, my brain quietens.”
He continued, “In that instant I know I will not jump. What would happen to Ella if I died? How long would she wait alone in the flat for someone to find her?”
Throughout James’ most challenging moments and experiences with depression, his spaniel Ella was by his side.
“I have loved her with every bit of my being since she was a tiny, sightless, newborn pup,” James explained. “She has been my companion, my hope, my support through my darkest days.”
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James’ name has gained a sense of notoriety in his own right after his eldest sister, Princess Kate, married Prince William in 2011. The whole Middleton family rose to fame at the time, with Pippa Middleton making waves for her bridesmaid dress and more.
James, 37, announced this past March that he wrote a book about Ella, his late dog. Through the book, readers will get an inside look at James’ relationship with the pup, and how she got him through some tough times.
“Many of you have asked me over the years if I would ever write a book, when Ella passed I started writing all of our adventures and memories down as a way of processing the grief,” James wrote on Instagram. “ I credit Ella to saving my life when I was eclipsed with Clinical depression, she introduced me to my wife, gave me purpose and loved me unconditionally.”
James told followers that he hopes the book will allow them to “talk more openly about our mental health” and “need for connection” — especially when it comes to animals.
Aside from being a budding author, James is an entrepreneur who founded the James & Ella, a “happiness and wellbeing” company for dogs.
“Ella is the first dog I got as an adult. She is the matriarch of my pack and the one who has been there to help and guide me through a large portion of my adult life,” James wrote for the company’s website. “I owe a lot to Ella and I believe she is a large reason I was able to overcome the deep struggles I have had with my mental illnesses. She is truly my inspiration and the inspiration behind James & Ella.”
Meet Ella: The Dog Who Saved My Life is set to be released on Thursday, September 26.
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org.
