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Aspen Ruhlin is the community engagement manager at Mabel Wadsworth Center, an independent feminist sexual and reproductive health center that has been serving Bangor since 1984.
If you or someone you know needs resources or support related to sexual violence, contact the Maine Coalition Against Sexual Assault’s 24/7 hotline at 800-871-7741.
Disclaimer: Throughout this piece, we will mostly refer to victims and survivors of sexual violence as “survivors” for the sake of brevity. We recognize that not everyone who has been subjected to sexual violence, assault, and abuse considers themselves a survivor, and not everyone survives this trauma.
We at Mabel Wadsworth Center believe survivors, regardless of when or if they share their stories. There are countless reasons someone may delay coming forward about sexual assault. Fear. Shame. Social pressure. Guilt.
We live in a society that too often frames survivors of sexual violence as somehow being at fault for the harm they experienced. Let us be clear that the only ones at fault are the perpetrators. In the words of Gisele Pelicot: “Shame must change sides.”
We also believe survivors regardless of who they name as having assaulted them. Under patriarchy, there is no political party, no ideology, no movement untouched by sexual violence.
Only a few short months ago, Dolores Huerta, a 96-year-old woman and one of the most influential labor activists of the 20th century, came forward with her truth about Cesar Chavez. Chavez, a fellow labor organizer who was made the face of the farm labor rights movement, emotionally abused, raped, and otherwise mistreated Huerta and other women in the movement, she said. The nonagenarian felt that she had to remain silent for decades to protect the important work being done for farm workers.
Eight years ago, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford came forward with her truth about having been sexually assaulted by the not-yet-appointed Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh. More than three decades ago, Anita Hill shared her truth of having been repeatedly sexually harassed by the not-yet-appointed Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. Both women faced significant backlash and attacks for the perceived crime of being a survivor and for not fitting the impossible mold of being the perfect victim.
Much more recently, multiple survivors spoke their truth about having experienced sexual violence at the hands of Eric Swalwell, a now-former California gubernatorial candidate and member of Congress. Swalwell, facing both pressure and support from his party, did decide to step down from both the race and his seat, simultaneously referencing having made “mistakes … in my past” and asserting that the claims were baseless. Sexual violence is not a mistake — it is a choice rooted in power and control.
Defenders of sexual violence always fall over themselves to discredit survivors. They waited too long to report. They reported too quickly. They didn’t tell any loved ones when it happened. They told too many people. They didn’t have a rape kit done. A rape kit doesn’t prove anything. They were asking for it. They should have expected it.
Survivors deserve better. Believing survivors in our society is a radical act when it should be the bare minimum.
Survivors deserve safety and justice. We all deserve a world without sexual violence, and I believe the only way we can get there is to end victim-blaming and challenge rape culture at every turn.
