David Cross has been cracking Us up for decades — and yet across hundreds of stand-up shows, there are still a few stories the Arrested Development alum hasn’t yet shared.
From his hilarious celebrity crush to a recent embarrassing moment on stage, Cross, 61, got real in his 25 Things You Don’t Know About Me feature in the latest issue of Us Weekly, on newsstands now.
The Emmy winner is also bringing his signature humor to YouTube for his latest stand-up, The End of the Beginning of the End — out April 7.
In the meantime, keep scrolling for some fun facts about Cross:
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1. My most vivid childhood memory is when I was 9 and in Syracuse, New York, during a huge snowstorm and I was out trying to sell boxes of greeting cards door to door so I could save up and get a watch. (We were really poor.) No one bought any and then I came home frozen to learn that my dog had died.
2. The last show I binge-watched was Gutfeld!. I caught up on all the episodes I missed when I was touring. It really is the funniest thing on television!
3. I give my mom all of my awards, and she happily has them on display. Although I’m thinking of maybe giving them to Trump if that will help soothe his hurt feelings about not having one.
4. The oldest piece of clothing I own — I’m wearing them now! — are my first pair of underwear from when I turned 12.
5. I used to be a night owl up until about nine years ago; now I’m a morning person. My 9-year-old daughter is happy to explain why.
6. I don’t have any phobias to speak of, although I am deathly afraid of psycho murderers. They creep me out a lot.
7. I absolutely love walking in the woods with my daughter. We will forage for mushrooms and the dog usually accompanies us. It’s the best.
8. My “hall pass” is Amber Tamblyn. My wife would be fine if I got with her.
9. I support several different charities but the one closest to my heart is Little Essentials here in New York. They offer at-risk families living in poverty urgently needed children’s supplies and parenting education. They are so dedicated and do so much hard, important work for very little compensation. They are true heroes.
10. I think my most valuable possession in terms of monetary value is my house. But my favorite possession is my signed first print edition of Masters of Atlantis by Charles Portis, which is one of my favorite books. My wife got it for me as a birthday present one year.
11. I collect baseball cards. Bowman Chrome and Topps Chrome are the bulk of my collection. I love a good rookie auto!
12. I hope my legacy is a person who helped shape comedy for the better.
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13. My go-to dish that is universally recognized as superior in every way is my chili. My family requests it at least once every couple of weeks. And I have to make extra for all the neighbors.
14. My favorite comfort meal is the aforementioned chili. It really is great.
15. My secret, and completely useless, talent is that I can tell you the temperature within one degree. Like, if we were outside and you said, “How hot do you think it is?” I’d go, “Hmmm, about 71 degrees,” and I’d be right. Absolutely worthless.
16. There are a lot of famous people in my phone list but most famous… probably Bill Odenkirk.
17. My first job was washing dishes at Provino’s, an Italian restaurant in Roswell, Georgia, when I was 14. My mom would pick me up and drive me home and the whole car would end up stinking of garlic.
18. My most embarrassing moment performing happened just recently. I was doing [the theatrical comedy] Tartuffe, playing Orgon, and in the middle of this very long monologue, I went up on my lines. I froze and was just staring into the light. I started getting sweaty and flush and I truly thought I might faint then and there. Luckily, my scene partner saved me by saying my next line as a question to me. Awful feeling.
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19. I don’t get starstruck a whole lot, but I do get sportstarstruck! I got to hang out with — for, like, an hour and a half! — and drink with Chipper Jones last year and that was unforgettable. An absolute legend. We were just chillin’ and shootin’ the s*** and I will never forget it.
20. Without question, the gnarliest, most dangerous scene I’ve ever done was the falling-in-the-river scene in The Dark Divide. The water was all fresh ice melt from a waterfall and was barely above freezing, and although I had a wet suit on, I had to go underwater for a short period of time — which turns out was too much time. The on-set stunt coordinator was screaming, “Pull him out!” repeatedly, and after I got out it took about half an hour to think clearly again. Pretty scary.
21. I’m a native of Atlanta, where almost all of my family still lives, and I go back about four times a year. One of my favorite places to go, and take my daughter as well, is the Georgia Aquarium. It wasn’t around when I was a kid, but I love going there. It can be very peaceful.
22. My celebrity crush growing up was Nastassja Kinski. That poster of her with the snake, I mean, come on!
23. I have a couple go-to karaoke songs depending on the setting. If it’s chill, I like to go with “To Sir With Love” ‘cause it’s a good song and people are surprised that I am a good singer with a silky, sexy, smooth croon. If the vibe is superserious, I go with Weird Al’s “Eat It” and watch the disappointment as people realize it’s not Michael Jackson.
24. I probably use my ESPN Fantasy app the most. I’m in a pretty serious fantasy baseball league (I think this is our 19th year?) and it’s indispensable.
25. What’s left on my bucket list? Let’s see, I hiked the Inca Trail and dove the Blue Hole in Belize a couple of years ago, so I’m gonna say going into space, maybe?
