In his new book, Cake Eater, Carl Radke fills in some gaps for Summer House fans about his battle with substance abuse and beyond.
The 40-year-old reality star’s memoir, out Tuesday, December 30, chronicles how he got sober after years of partying on and off screen. He reveals he tried cocaine for the first time in college, more than a decade before he revealed his addiction on Bravo.
“It’s so easy to see the red flags now,” he wrote of his early days of partying at Syracuse University. “Blackouts were becoming increasingly frequent. So were risky behaviors, like the time I ended up with blood all over my face with no recollection as to how after a drunken hookup, or the night I slept in a bed soaked with piss because neither I nor my partner could wake up enough to deal with it. These weren’t just wild college stories; they were signs of a serious problem brewing under the surface.”
Things only escalated for Carl when he landed on Summer House, which premiered in January 2017, and he continued to abuse alcohol, cocaine and Adderall.
Summer House’s Carl Radke’s Battle With Addiction in His Own Words
“What viewers didn’t see was how often I’d hide in the bathroom, splashing water on my face, giving myself pep talks to make it through another day of filming,” he wrote of season 1. “I’d stare in the mirror, barely recognizing the bloodshot eyes looking back at me, and think, ‘You can do this. Just get through this weekend.’ Then I’d pop an Advil, put on my sunglasses and head back out to party.”
Like most reality TV memoirs, Carl addresses various hot topics in the book, including his former costar Stephen McGee sharing intimate details about Carl’s sex life on the show and Carl’s past engagement to current costar Lindsay Hubbard. One difference is you can tell Carl is being careful with his words; he is not throwing shade or dropping any bombshells about anyone but himself. The book’s purpose is clear: Recovery and healing are possible if you put in the work to recognize how you got so lost in the first place.
Cake Eater: Getting High, Hitting Low: And Trying to Stay in the Middle is available now. Keep reading for some of the biggest takeaways:
Carl Details His Relationship With Brother Curtis
Carl explained that his brother’s addiction struggles began when they were in high school. He described the “painful cycle” of living with someone who was struggling with substance abuse and the stress it caused on their family.
Trying Cocaine for the 1st Time
Carl revealed that he did cocaine for the first time during his sophomore year of college despite knowing that Curtis had a problem with the drug. Carl and his fellow students used “Adderall for all-nighters during finals, weed to chill after stress and cocaine to keep partying.”
Carl subsequently revealed that he also struggled with body image issues.
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“I would binge eat while high, then purge because I felt guilty and terrified of gaining weight,” he wrote. “It was a vicious cycle, fueled by booze and drugs and hidden behind what looked like typical college partying. Nobody questioned it because everyone was doing something in excess.”
Carl Reveals Past DUI, Money Struggles Before Summer House
After graduating college in 2007, Carl moved to Los Angeles and got a job at production company World of Wonder — which meant he was crossing paths with Bravo talent a decade before he would end up on the network. He also got a DUI during his first stint in Hollywood, admitting it was not his first time driving drunk.
“As I turned onto Hollywood Boulevard, I cut off a police car like an idiot. I remember frantically putting pennies in my mouth because I’d heard somewhere that it would mask the smell of alcohol,” he wrote.
He spent the night at Van Nuys County Jail after failing a sobriety test.
Things escalated for Carl when he witnessed a man fall to his death in the Bahamas. In his recovery, he discovered that he was dealing with PTSD and using substances to cope. His drug addiction also prompted him to struggle financially as he spent “way beyond” his means during his time at a sales job.
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“I started to rack up credit card debt, bounce checks and dodge calls from bill collectors. I’d tell myself I’d figure it out later, that the next commission check would solve everything,” he wrote.
When he started filming Summer House in 2016, his drinking only got worse. “There were mornings I’d wake up, my hands would be shaking until I had a drink. I started hiding bottles around the house so I always had easy access,” he wrote. “I’d pregame before filming to ‘take the edge off,’ not realizing I was just digging myself deeper into addiction.”
Carl Details the ‘Best Head’ Story and Fallout
In the book, Carl recalled working for a small theater company after college and making out with an actress at an afterparty. He wrote that he was “blackout drunk,” and at one point, “someone else joined” them. He hinted that it was an older man who had given him unwanted attention at an audition for the theater production. Carl later described the encounter as nonconsensual and “being sexually touched by a man who had power over him professionally.”
During production of season 2 of Summer House, Carl told Stephen this story, and his costar repeated a version of it on camera.
“Stephen brought up what I’d told him that night, suggesting I’d been lying about my sexuality. In an instant, a private moment became public property,” Carl wrote. “The feeling is hard to describe; that complete violation, that sense of your world collapsing around you. I managed to confirm what happened but emphasized that it wasn’t Stephen’s story to tell. When the cameras stopped, Stephen broke down crying on the street. I walked away in shock, my mind racing and my body numb. I went straight home and ordered alcohol and cocaine. I needed to escape the feeling of being exposed, of having my sexuality — something I’d never questioned — suddenly become a topic for public consumption.”
Carl wrote he was “being victimized again, this time for entertainment,” and when the episode aired, things got worse as the chatter online became too much. “Having my sexuality added to the list of things people could speculate about and joke about was unbearable. And so I drank,” he wrote.
Stephen reached out to apologize in 2021 after getting sober himself, according to Carl. He did not answer the DM until 2023 when they had a “healing” exchange.
The Height of ‘Summer House’ Partying
Carl wrote that seasons 3 and 4 of Summer House were a constant cycle of hangovers, drinking, Adderall and cocaine, but his actions didn’t stop when the cameras weren’t rolling.
“The darkest moments were the ones alone in my apartment. I’d tell friends I was staying in, and what that really meant was drinking and doing coke by myself, listening to music and watching TV until I inevitably started making phone calls at 3 a.m., scaring the people who cared about me,” he wrote. “My dad got those late-night, tearful, incoherent calls far too often. I’d call him crying hysterically, not making sense, waking him up in the middle of the night with my emotional roller-coasters.”
Curtis’ Death
Carl got the call during season 5 of Summer House that his brother had died of an overdose.
“The funeral destroyed me. In giving the eulogy for my brother, I tried to capture who he really was to honor his memory properly. After the service, I couldn’t handle the pain. I went straight to the bar next door with a friend and got wasted. It was a pointless attempt to dull everything I was feeling,” he wrote.
Carl recalled hearing positive things about Curtis from people who he helped in treatment and acknowledged the regret he felt for not being on good terms with his brother at the time of his death. “Now he’s gone, and I’m still wondering what could have been if I’d just taken that opportunity to make things right,” he added.
Getting Sober
Following Curtis’ death, Carl detailed disastrous holidays at the height of his addiction and an all-night bender in his apartment on January 6, 2021, sparked by watching the U.S. Capitol attack on TV.
“In my increasingly intoxicated state, those emotions amplified,” he wrote. “That’s when I made the call, the same call I’d made countless times before. I ordered cocaine, but this time, I went big. Three giant jars, a better deal to buy all at once. A quantity that would be enough for a football team.”
Two days later, on January 8, he marked his first day of sobriety.
What Carl Wrote About Lindsay in His Book
Carl doesn’t get into too many details about his relationship with costar Lindsay in the book but instead explained why it’s not recommended to date within the first 12 months of sobriety, which is when his friendship with Lindsay turned into something more.
“Would I tell someone else to fall in love before hitting their one-year mark? Probably not,” he wrote, emphasizing the need to focus on yourself during that period. “There’s a reason everyone says to wait a year, and I’ve seen firsthand how messy it can get. But I don’t regret it. That relationship was part of my recovery, and it taught me a lot about myself, about being intimate with someone and about what I actually need and want in a partner.”
Bravo fans know that Carl proposed to Lindsay on season 7 of the show, which filmed in 2022, but ultimately called off their wedding at the end of season 8 in 2023. The backlash that followed Carl was intense as Lindsay said she was blindsided by his decision.
“There were days during this period when I questioned whether I wanted to be on this earth anymore. That’s not easy to admit, but it’s the truth,” he wrote about the fallout of calling off the nuptials. “When you wake up day after day to see your name in the news next to words like lies and manipulation, when something as sacred as your sobriety is being questioned, when you feel like you can’t escape the noise and find a moment of peace, it takes a toll.”
He felt “deeply misunderstood” at the time.
“Ending the relationship was painful because I cared deeply about her, and I knew she cared for me. But despite that love, our dynamic wasn’t healthy, and walking away, as hard as it was, felt like the most compassionate choice for both of us,” he wrote. “The pattern of conflict, the lack of trust, the communication breakdowns: they weren’t getting better, despite our efforts in couples therapy. I had to be honest with myself: if we went forward, the conflicts we couldn’t resolve now would likely follow us into marriage. I wanted a future built on stability and trust, and despite the love we had, I couldn’t see us creating that together. I couldn’t go through with the wedding knowing what I knew.”
Carl concluded, “I believe in the sanctity of marriage. It should be a celebration of a relationship, not a Band-Aid for a broken one. Walking away from the engagement was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, but I stand by it. Every weekend, thousands of couples get married, knowing it’s not the right thing to do. They go through with it anyway, have kids, buy houses and end up divorced within a few years. I didn’t want that for either of us.”
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health and/or substance use, you are not alone. Seek immediate intervention — call 911 for medical attention; 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline; or 1-800-662-HELP for the SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) National Helpline.
