Matt James’ ex-girlfriend Rachael Kirkconnell raised eyebrows when she said she hadn’t had sex in “years” — but the former Bachelor had been candid about his lack of intimacy before.
Less than two months after his season 25 of The Bachelor came to an end in 2021, James, now 33, revealed that he kept his fantasy suite dates PG. Instead, he recalled getting to know his three finalists — Kirkconnell, now 29, Bri Springs and Michelle Young — on a deeper level.
“I can’t speak for anybody but myself, but I think the women appreciated it,” he shared in a profile with WSJ at the time. “Because I did learn things about them that I hadn’t gathered — that I don’t think I would have learned if I hadn’t used that time to really dive deeper into something that they might not have been comfortable talking about on camera.”
James ultimately ended his season in a relationship with Kirkconnell, but revealed during the After the Final Rose that the pair had split when her past racially insensitive actions came to light. The couple, however, ultimately got back together and dated for years until James revealed in January that the twosome split in a social media post.
Rachael Kirkconnell Hasn’t Had Sex in ‘Years’ Despite Matt James Romance
“Father God, give Rachael and I strength to mend our broken hearts,” he wrote via Instagram at the time. “Give us a peace about this decision to end our relationship that transcends worldly understanding. Shower our friends and family with kindness and love to comfort us. And remind us that our Joy comes from you, Lord 💔.”
Kirkconnell later claimed during a tell-all interview on Alex Cooper’s “Call Her Daddy” podcast that James’ post was uploaded three hours after he broke up with her on their trip to Tokyo.
“I think that I have come to the realization that a lot of it wasn’t me, or my fault or my problem,” Kirkconnell said at the time. “And I do think it helped that I had that conversation with him and I heard those things from him. But even if I hadn’t, I think that is so important to acknowledge it for yourself, like, ‘It wasn’t fully me. It wasn’t 1,000 percent completely my fault.’”
In the months that followed, Kirkconnell shed insight into their relationship — and even claimed that she hadn’t been intimate for a long time.
Rachael Kirkconnell Feels Demisexual After Matt James Split
“I feel like a virgin again,” Kirkconnell shared on the October 16 episode of the “Extra Dirty” podcast. “I haven’t had sex way longer than you think. It’s been years.”
Kirkconnell noted that she doesn’t want to just “give it up to anyone,” instead she wants to ensure her next experience will be “incredible.”
“I think that’s why I’m a lover girl,” she continued. “Because I feel like how we felt when we were, like, in high school. I’m not going to say everyone felt like this, but you know how everyone just makes losing your virginity such a big deal? And it’s like, ‘Lose it to someone special?’ That’s how I feel. I’m like, ‘I can’t just give it up to just anyone.’ I want it to be special.”
In the wake of the separation, Kirkconnell shared that she’s been “chronically single” and even wonders if she could be demisexual. After host Hallie Batchelder explained that the definition of demisexual is “a sexual orientation where a person experiences sexual attraction only after forming a strong emotional bond with another person,” Kirkconnell replied, “I think that’s me.”
“I can say, ‘Wow, that person is really attractive.’ I obviously find them really attractive, I think they’re really hot, but I don’t care after that, cause they could still be like a terrible person or have the worst personality ever, and that would make me not want to sleep with them because that totally turns me off,” she explained. “I guess their attraction can only get so far for me. Maybe that’s my problem, I don’t know.”
When Batchelder asked whether she’s also attracted to women, Kirkconnell replied, “I don’t think so, I don’t know,” before noting, “It’s all a spectrum, isn’t it?” She went on to note that the idea of “having an emotional connection” with a partner before being intimate resonates with her.
“I just don’t think I could go home with anyone,” she said. “I have to feel safe and comfortable with them and be emotionally invested at least in a way that I could see us dating or I at least have a crush on them … It’s not a physical attraction, I guess.”
