Liam Payne’s older sisters, Ruth Gibbins and Nicola Payne, have reflected on their grief journeys on the first anniversary of the musician’s death.
“One year, 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days … whichever way I say it, it still means the most heartbreaking truth that you’re not here anymore,” Ruth wrote via Instagram on Thursday, October 16. “When you used to go away on tour, and I’d cry that you’d be gone for a while, I always knew you’d come back. But now, I can’t get you home, I can’t meet up with you somewhere in the world, I can’t FaceTime or text to see how you’re doing. It’s an eternal homesick feeling because we can’t go back.”
News broke in October 2024 that Liam tragically died after suffering a fatal fall from a hotel balcony in Argentina. He was 31. (Liam is survived by his parents, his two sisters and his 8-year-old son with ex Cheryl Cole.)
“I underestimated grief, woah, did I underestimate it,” Ruth wrote on Thursday. “I am paralyzed by it daily. I thought I had felt it before, but I know the losses before you were just intense sadness. You are the loss of my life, the one person who I will miss at every single occasion in my life.”
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She continued, “I’d taken for granted that my little brother would be there through life. What a cruel lesson to learn in our 30s that a sibling is not guaranteed to be a lifer [and] that I have to face this without you. Your death will never make sense, no matter how much I study it, whatever angle I look at it. It never makes sense. You shouldn’t have died.”
According to Ruth, she keeps reliving Liam’s “last minutes on this earth” that eventually “changed everything” for their family.
“So much has happened in a year, so much to tell you,” Ruth added. “Our kids have changed massively. You would continue to be in awe of your son! … I’ve visited some beautiful places, but each place confirmed — no matter the view — I will still feel your void from all corners of the earth.”
She added, “Wherever you are, I hope you can hear me. I hope you are guiding me, and I hope you know the love I have for you is infinite. I hope I get to be your sister in every lifetime.”
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Liam’s ex-girlfriend Danielle Peazer, whom he met shortly after One Direction was formed on The X Factor UK in 2010, sent her support in the comments section by replying with a red heart emoji.
The late musician’s sister Nicola also released her own statement on Wednesday, calling October 16 “a date [she] never wanted to see again.”
“The day our lives changed forever and our hearts were left broken with pieces missing,” Nicola wrote via Instagram. “Over the past 12 months, you’ve never left my thoughts. We retell stories to bring you closer. I apologize and I thank you all the time for everything you have done for us and all that you allowed us to see. Those memories will be cherished forever. I continue to acknowledge you every day, as though you are still here.”
Nicola also noted that she speaks about Liam to their respective children, promising that they will “know the precious, kind, outstanding, so utterly talented [and] one-of-a-kind” individual he was.
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“We will ensure Bear knows everything about the amazing daddy he has, not just your achievements and success over the years, but all the things that made you you,” Nicola said of her nephew. “The little jokes you used to tell as a kid, the things we’ve laughed about over the years, the little pranks, your thoughtfulness, how you cared, your laugh, your wish for everyone to succeed. You always loved to be our cheerleader, and the plans you had. So many plans.”
Nicola further wished that Liam is happy and knows how loved he is and is at peace.
“I hope you still light up the spaces you enter, that your laughter brightens people’s mood [and] that our nans and granddads are getting you to perform whenever they get a chance,” Nicola wrote. “I also hope that you are able to watch over us from the best seat in the house. Sometimes I find comfort in believing you can see the things I want to share with you, but other times it breaks my heart that we can no longer hear about your life or tell you about ours.”
She concluded, “I also hope that you are proud of us, and that if you are, you continue to feel proud. We really are trying here, but sometimes it’s just so damn hard. … I love you, Liam. I will never not miss you and will forever be so proud of you.”
