Granger Smith’s wife, Amber Smith, is detailing the moment she learned the former country singer struggled with suicidal ideation after their 3-year-old son River’s death in her new memoir, The Girl on the Bathroom Floor.
“My sweet, incredible husband, the wonderful father of my kids, put a cold Glock 9mm into his mouth. I cry even typing this,” Amber, 43, wrote in her upcoming book, which was excerpted by People on Thursday, September 25. “It breaks my heart that he felt like this was the only way out. I wish I had known.”
She continued, “I wish I could have grabbed him, shaken him, and said, ‘You’re a good father! I love you! We’ve got this! This isn’t the way!’ But I didn’t have to. By the sheer grace of God, Granger became aware that the voice quietly telling him to pull the trigger wasn’t his own. He realized suddenly that he was under attack. He was engulfed in spiritual warfare.”
Granger, now 46, announced in June 2019 that his son River died after a “tragic accident.”
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“We’ve lost our youngest son, River Kelly Smith. Following a tragic accident, and despite doctor’s best efforts, he was unable to be revived,” he wrote in an Instagram statement, revealing the toddler had drowned. “Amber and I made the decision to say our last goodbyes and donate his organs so that other children will be given a second chance at life. Our family is devastated and heartbroken, but we take solace in knowing he is with his Heavenly Father.”
Granger and Amber are also parents to London, now 14, Lincoln, now 11, and Maverick, now 4, and have since been advocates for water safety in light of River’s death. Granger, who has also shifted away from his career in music to pursue ministry, previously detailed his suicide attempt in his 2023 memoir, Like a River.
Amber, however, did not know the extent of her husband’s struggles “until three and a half years later.”
“Granger texted me the next morning saying he’d had an awful night. He told me he drank way too much and came face-to-face with Satan,” Amber wrote in the book passage. “I asked if he got sick and he said, ‘Oh yeah, all night.’ He said the visions came and he cried and prayed ‘Psalm 23’ until he fell asleep on the floor. He never shared with me that he came so close to pulling the trigger.”
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In reading Granger’s book, Amber learned “the severity of the situation” that he secretly grappled with during the months that followed River’s death.
“He hadn’t been drunk in a really long time. Fearing that this would cause all the emotions and pain to come flooding back, he quickly grabbed for the weed pen and took a hit, hoping it would bring him out of his drunken state a bit, but nothing changed,” Amber wrote. “The slideshow kicked on and he was once again in the war of his mind. Visions of River facedown in the pool assaulted his thoughts and lies pierced his conscience that he was a failure as a father, that he had let River down.”
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org.
For more vital, life-saving information on pool safety, read Bode Miller’s tips and visit Coverstar’s website during Water Safety Awareness Month.
The Girl on the Bathroom Floor will be available Tuesday, October 14.
