The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives star Mayci Neeley is opening up about surviving domestic abuse and sexual assault.
“First and foremost, trigger warning,” Neeley, 30, began in a TikTok posted on Tuesday, December 30. “OK, hi. I feel like over the last month or so I’ve been tagged in so many videos about [domestic violence] and [sexual assault] because obviously, I have experienced that, and I’m definitely an advocate for it. With everything with the show coming out, it’s been in the talks a lot. I do feel the need to speak on it.”
Neeley uploaded the video less than one month after The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives season 3 reunion aired, which showed costar Demi Engemann continuing to allege that Vanderpump Villa’s Marciano Brunette inappropriately touched her. (While Brunette, 32, claimed they had an affair, Engemann, 30, alleged sexual misconduct — which he has denied.)
During the reunion, Engemann attempted to get Neeley to back her up.
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“I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be insensitive but Mayci [what if you said] you got raped by your abuser or you got slapped or whatever. Then afterwards, you’re like, ‘I love you.’ Then later, the group is like, ‘Mayci, it’s really weird that you said that,’” Engemann asked, while the rest of the group jumped in to note that Neeley was abused by an unnamed ex and it was not OK to compare their experiences.
Neeley became emotional on Tuesday before continuing her message.
“First and foremost, when you are a victim, even I know to never compare my situation to another victim, because they’re not the same,” she said. “I think one of the things I want to speak on, too, is about how women go back to their abusers. I can give my experience.”
Neeley went on to address a question about why she went back to her “abuser” after he “shoved her, choked her and [sexually assaulted] her,” explaining, “Because I was being blackmailed.”
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“My abuser would threaten to get me kicked out of my university because they had strict honor codes,” she said, noting that her former partner would threaten to send photos of Neeley drinking alcohol to the university.
Neeley also noted that another reason why she stayed in the relationship was because of “Stockholm Syndrome.”
“The abuser can maybe be holding financials over their head,” Neeley said. “Could be isolating them, periods of good behavior and bad behavior. It’s like this toxic cycle where these small things that happen at the beginning of the relationship, they’re like, maybe a small red flag. Those become your everyday life when you’re in these relationships, and you don’t even notice them after a while.”
Neeley explained that “lack of self-esteem” was another reason she was in the relationship, claiming that victims often “stay because they don’t feel like they have any other option.”
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“There’s so much more psychological abuse and so many mental aspects of this that I can’t even put into words that make you feel so crazy when you’re going through it. My entire personality changed. I became an angry person. I became someone that I don’t even recognize. Before I was ever in an abusive relationship, I would look at it and be like, ‘Yeah, get out. Like, why would you not get out?’” Neeley said. “It does not make sense unless you have been in it. Period point blank.”
She continued, “This whole thing has been very triggering. Filming through it while pregnant, and then going through it, doing a reunion postpartum, it hasn’t been super fun, especially because I actually haven’t been able to share my story of [domestic violence] or [sexual assault] on the show.”
Neeley noted that she was able to detail her story in her memoir, Told You So, which was released in October. Ultimately, Neeley noted that her experience has changed her perspective on life — including the drama on the reality show.
“I just feel like I’ve been through some real s*** and when you go through some stuff like that, the he said, she said, fights, drama don’t really matter a ton to me. The only times I feel like I do speak up and I’m a little more aggressive is when toxic men are involved,” she said. “If you are a victim, this is triggering for you, I see you, I hear you, I’m with you, and I love you guys, and thanks for listening.”
She captioned the post, “Been sitting on this video for over a month now & felt the need to share it. Sharing for educational purposes. If you are a victim I SEE you and I LOVE you.”
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673). If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential support.
