The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives season 3 reunion took an emotional turn when Jessi Ngatikaura revealed how couples therapy with husband Jordan Ngatikaura led to the realization that she suffered sexual abuse when she was a teenager.
During the Thursday, December 4, special of the hit Hulu series, host Stassi Schroeder asked Mikayla Matthews about the intimacy issues in her marriage to husband Jace Terry, which were caused by her working through the sexual assault she suffered as a child.
Jessi, 33, got visibly emotional listening to Mikayla, 25, and Jace’s story.
“I knew that happened to her but seeing it play out — and seeing her thoughts and feelings behind it — I can relate. I’ve been doing a lot of therapy because of mine and Jordan’s situation and I actually uncovered the memory that I was raped when I was 19,” she revealed. “It really started a lot of my issues about going emotionally numb and pushing people away and feeling not good enough.”
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After making the realization, Jessi learned more about how the trauma affected her.
“Me and Jordan already had our struggles but it made it worse. I don’t want him to touch me — and it’s not his fault — but it’s so crazy how your body reacts. It’s not just your emotions. So that’s just been another layer of healing for me,” she continued. “Watching [Mikayla]’s story, it just really hit home for me and I understand fully how that can feel.”
Whitney Leavitt‘s husband, Conner Leavitt, also offered his support after revealing during the season 2 reunion earlier this year that his sexual abuse contributed to a porn addiction.
“I feel like I can’t relate in the same way. I struggled with intimacy in polarizing ways. I don’t want to speak for Mikayla or Jessi or anyone else but it can be challenging to rewire your brain,” he noted. “At least for me, the two polarizing parts were like, ‘Please don’t touch me, I don’t have control here and it scares me.’ It was also hypersexuality. Like, ‘I want to have as much sex as possible to put distance between me and that event. I just need to get that out of my system.’ I don’t know if I can necessarily relate with your relationships but I do know that the patience that you are giving your spouses is healing and it is breeding intimacy between the healing.”
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After the conversation visibly affected Demi Engemann, Stassi, 37, asked about her visceral reaction.
“[This is triggering] deep, deep wounds and things for me that I haven’t fully uncovered. It is things I know I’ve been through and that I’ve blocked out as well. Just listening to you guys talk about it is so sad,” she said. “We’re sitting here in a room and how many people in this room have experienced something like this to a degree? With everything that I went through the past year — not to compare because what I went through was not even close to what everyone has gone through — but it triggered a lot of really horrible things that have happened in my life.”
Demi, 30, previously accused Vanderpump Villa star Marciano Brunette of sexual misconduct when season 2 aired in May. Marciano, 31, has denied Demi’s claims but she stood by the triggering experience and elaborated on how it affected her mental health.
“To not be believed and be questioned and be called a liar, it was just horrible,” she admitted on Thursday. “So I’m touched to hear the way you guys are talking about it. Conner, when you talk about it, it’s like my younger self is getting the hug that I needed.”
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).
The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is currently streaming on Hulu.
