Ben Stiller is examining his role as a father in his new documentary about his parents, Stiller & Meara.
Ben, 59, spends the majority of the AppleTV documentary revisiting his parents Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara’s ups and downs throughout their 61-year marriage before Anne’s death at age 85 in 2015. The actor recalls the pair balancing their working relationship as a comedic duo with their real-life romance as well as navigating being parents to him and his older sister, Amy Stiller. (Jerry died at age 92 in 2020.)
He also uses the film to own up to his own shortcomings as a dad and as a husband, discussing his marriage, separation and reconciliation with wife Christine Taylor as well as regrets over feeling like an absent father to their two kids, daughter Ella, 23, and son Quin, 20.
“Like any parent, I remember things that weren’t happy about my childhood and go, ‘I’ll do better,’” Stiller told The Sunday Times in an October interview about the documentary. “And then I realized it was impossible to avoid making the mistakes they made. I feel like I have a really great relationship with my kids, but it’s complicated and has at times been strained. When they were young, I did not get it. I thought, ‘Oh, the kids are young, I can work away and be a good dad earning for the family.’ But the bonds you form with your kids when they’re young are so important.”
Ben Stiller Admits to Making ‘Mistakes’ As a Father to His 2 Kids
Looking back at his childhood, Ben confessed that his parents’ busy career “totally affected” him and Amy, as they would often have spent late nights working in New York or flying to Los Angeles for weeks at a time.
“I just remember missing them terribly,” he said. “And when they would come back, my sister and I would act out Jesus Christ Superstar or something in the lounge.”
He continued, “But, then, I probably f***ed up more with my kids than my parents did with us.”
Keep scrolling for the biggest takeaways in the doc from Ben about his kids:
Ben Stiller’s Kids Felt Like He Wasn’t ‘Ever’ There
While talking to his son, Quin, in the documentary, Ben reveals that his daughter, Ella, recently told him, “I literally can’t ever remember you being around when I was growing up.”
When Ben asks if that was something that “resonates” with Quin, his son confesses that “maybe” sometimes it felt like being a dad wasn’t at the top of the actor’s priorities.
“After a tough day, or if something was going wrong, you can kind of get into your own head and when you get into that place, it’s hard to get you out of it,” Quin explains. “So that would kind of put a damper on the fun part of being on vacation.”
He then adds, “You have all these hats that you’re trying to balance, you know? Being a director, an actor, a producer, a writer. But also just, like, a father. And sometimes, I felt that would come last to these other things.“
Ben Stiller Cut Daughter Ella Out of a Movie
Ben tells daughter Ella in the doc that cutting her role from his 2013 film The Secret Life of Walter Mitty was a choice he regrets.
“I cut you out of Secret Life of Walter Mitty. And it was probably the worst decision I’ve ever made in my life,” he says, adding, “You were so cute.”
Ella defends her dad’s decision, however, claiming she was “really scared” of acting at such a young age and the role “didn’t make sense” for the movie.
“For me it goes deeper. What it relates to is my own issues and my own obsession with my work or quote on quote perfectionism,” Ben clarifies.
Ben Stiller Made the Same Mistakes His Parents Did
Ben recalls having to tell Quin that he was leaving to film Night at the Museum 3 in Canada for a few months in 2014, and seeing his son’s face immediately drop, telling him, “I wish you could stay home.”
He says he pathetically tried to remind Quin that he “loves Night at the Museum,” but deep down knew the argument wouldn’t work.
“The irony is I thought I was doing so much better than my parents,” Ben confesses. “I thought I was pulling it off. I was flying home on weekends and finding special places for the kids to play when they would visit the set. But in reality, just hearing them talk about it, for them, it was the same thing I was going through as a kid and I just couldn’t see that at all at the time.”
Later in the doc, Ben emphasizes to Quin, “You always feel like growing up you’re not going to make the mistakes your parents made and then you make different mistakes, or some of the same mistakes.”
Ben Stiller’s Kids Sometimes Get Frustrated by His Fame
Ben spends a portion of the doc examining how his parents’ public personas and careers affected him growing up, recalling one story about complaining to his father, Jerry, that he didn’t give enough “attention” to him and his sister and was instead focused on pleasing fans.
Ben Stiller Says He Was ‘Lost’ During Separation From Wife Christine Taylor
”I remember one time we were on the street and I was literally talking to him about how I felt like he didn’t pay enough attention to us and a guy came up and was like, ‘Jerry I love your work!’” Ben says. “And he started talking to him!”
Quin responds by laughing at the story and calling it “funny,” noting that he was out with Ben recently when a similar thing occurred.
“We were out to dinner at a restaurant a few weeks ago, and I was stressed about college stuff and the people there wanted to get, like, a picture with you, and I was so frustrated,” Quin says. “Like, ‘The world just has to stop to get this picture!’ You know what I mean?”
