Louis Tomlinson is still grieving the loss of former One Direction bandmate Liam Payne.
“It was really, really, impossibly difficult for me to deal with losing Liam,” Tomlinson, 33, told Rolling Stone UK in an interview published on Tuesday, October 7. “Naively, I thought that because at this point, I’m relatively well versed in grief for my age, that it might soften the blow.”
Tomlinson was referring to the loss of his mother, Johannah Deakin, who died of leukemia at age 43 in 2016. Three years later, his younger sister Félicité Tomlinson died at age 18 following an accidental overdose.
The singer noted that he was “super-naive” in thinking that Payne’s death would be any easier.
“It’s very different,” Tomlinson added. “I’ve never lost a friend before.”
Liam Payne and Louis Tomlinson’s Friendship Through the Years
One of the hardest moments was the 15th anniversary of One Direction in July. Tomlinson and Payne were put in a band with Harry Styles, Niall Horan and Zayn Malik during the seventh season of The X Factor UK in 2010.
“It was really uncomfortable, actually, the 15th anniversary, because the [collective] feeling to celebrate is as important — if not more important than ever — on behalf of Liam,” Tomlinson explained, noting that he previously felt “sick of nostalgia” when it came to the band.
“You know, there’s still a level in my head [where it feels] unjust and frustrating that he’s not with us anymore,” Tomlinson added. “So, it just brought up those feelings, although I’m still living with them anyway.”
Payne died at age 31 in October 2024 after falling from a hotel balcony in Argentina.
Tomlinson remembered Payne — who had previously auditioned for The X Factor in 2008 before joining One Direction — as the “safest pair of hands” in the group.
“We were all just so amateur, but he was already where he needed to be by the time he did his first [X Factor] audition,” Tomlinson recalled. “None of us would have admitted it at the time, because you have a lot of pride as a young lad, but we all looked up to him like that.”
Tomlinson further explained that Payne was “a very misunderstood person” from the public’s perspective.
“If there is ever any judgment on his character, I think nine times out of 10, you can reflect on that, and the reflection is that he was someone who just wanted to be liked,” the singer added.
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Tomlinson was the first member of One Direction to speak out in the wake of Payne’s death last year.
“I am beyond devastated to be writing this but yesterday I lost a brother. Liam was somebody I looked up to everyday, such a positive, funny, and kind soul,” he shared in an October 2024 Instagram post. “I first met Liam when he was 16 and I was 18, I was instantly amazed by his voice but more importantly as time went on I got a chance to see the kind brother I’d longed all my life for.”
Tomlinson praised Payne as “an incredible songwriter” and revealed that they had hopes of making more music together.
“And for the record, Liam was in my opinion the most vital part of One Direction,” Tomlinson’s tribute concluded. “His experience from a young age, his perfect pitch, his stage presence, his gift for writing. The list goes on. Thank you for shaping us Liam.”
