Motherhood is full of tough battles — but every parent knows that the internal ones often rage more wildly than any fiery spats with the kids.
Like all working moms — scratch that, all moms! — Sunny Hostin has had to make some serious sacrifices along the way, but the harsh words she recently heard from daughter Paloma, 19, only prove that striking the right balance is basically impossible for every parent, so there’s no point beating ourselves up about it.
Speaking at the Reinvention & Renewal: Living Fully in Midlife panel event in New York City on Sunday, September 21, Hostin, 56, said that the teenager confronted her about her parenting.
“Being totally candid, my daughter told me a couple months ago, ‘You weren’t always the best mother,’” she revealed. “That’s very painful. And I asked, ‘Why?’ And she said, ‘Because you weren’t always there.’”
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She added: “And it was interesting because I never missed a dance performance. I never missed a basketball game. I never missed a track meet. I never missed a piano performance. But for her, that wasn’t showing up. Showing up was being there at home instead of perhaps being at a speaking engagement, perhaps traveling for a book tour.”
Hostin shares Paloma and her older brother, Gabriel, 23, with husband Emmanuel. She went on to explain that Paloma had specifically flagged one occasion her mom was not around when she needed her most: during her first big breakup. “And to her, that meant I wasn’t a great mom all the time, and I have to receive that and listen to that,” she said. “My son thinks I’m amazing.”
A-ha! There it is. Every mom blessed with a son and a daughter knows how this one often goes: Your boy worships the ground you walk on, while your daughter thinks you’re a total … well, it depends on whichever salty expletive is trending at the time. And usually, it’s because they see themselves in you, even if they don’t quite know it yet.
But we’re here to say that it sounds like Hostin has done everything right. No mom, whether a famous lawyer turned TV star or a nurse pulling night shifts, can be there for every single moment, but by being a bold, ambitious woman who models holding open, tough conversations for her day job on The View, she’s raised a daughter who isn’t afraid to speak up when she feels wounded. And that sounds like successful parenting to Us!
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Plus, let’s not forget that the girl is 19 — she’s supposed to disagree with her parents, it’s a sign of a secure attachment as she goes out into the world! It’s only if she has a family of her own in the next decade or two that she’ll realize her parents were just trying their best (and then start begging them to babysit).
Anyway, the Hostins have a lot to be proud of: Both of their kids made it to Ivy League universities (Paloma is now at Cornell, Gabriel’s a recent Harvard grad). But their new status as empty nesters means they now have the time to reflect on every parenting victory and misstep they might have made.
“I’m a mess, I’m in grief,” Hostin said on The View when Paloma left for college. “I am stalking my daughter now. I call her every day, I text her every day, and she finally said to me this morning, ‘Stop.’”
In an interview with Us Weekly in 2024, Hostin also said she regretted not documenting more precious moments from the grown-up kids’ childhoods. “I would take more pictures,” she said. “I would tell myself, ‘Cherish every single second.’ Because it goes by this quickly. They always tell you that, right? ‘Oh, it goes by so quickly.’ I’m like, ‘Uh, no. I’m nursing and I’m up every two hours. It’s not going by quickly at all.’”
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And it seems Paloma’s harsh words actually come after years of being supportive of her mom’s work. “They’re so understanding,” she told Us. “When Mom has to lock her home office because I’m writing — I write at night, it’s part of my process — I generally try to write when I’m done helping them. We always eat as a family together, so after dinner I go into my little room and close the door and I’m working and I’m writing.”
She added: “I would definitely have almost been more present. My husband’s like, ‘You’re crazy.’ I was making baby food and doing all the things. But I would have taken more video and more pictures and spent even more time, if that’s even possible. I think the hardest part of parenting adult children is you still see them as your baby. I’m going to really miss having them at home. I’m struggling with that. The hardest part is watching them fly. But if I’ve done my job, then they’re going to fly and soar.” Exactly!
