Kid Cudi detailed the “dark” days of his cocaine addiction during a recent appearance on the “Call Her Daddy” podcast.
“The feeling I got was nothing I had ever felt before. It was f***ing magical,” Cudi, 41, said during the Wednesday, August 13, podcast episode, revealing that he felt “100 percent happiness” the first time he tried cocaine.
“I will say this, that’s the only time it felt like that,” Cudi continued. “All the other times after, I was just chasing that first high and it was never getting there. It never felt like that first time ever again.”
Cudi said his cocaine use was his “little secret,” explaining he would only partake when alone.
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“I didn’t want it to be a known thing that I did coke around [the] industry. That would have spread fast. So, I just kept it to myself,” he continued. “Doesn’t mean people couldn’t tell I was on it. People could probably figure it out.”
Along with his addiction battle and eventual recovery, Cudi detailed his mental health struggles and experiences with suicidal thoughts on the podcast.
Keep scrolling for quotes from Cudi’s “Call Her Daddy” episode:
His Wife’s Reaction to Past Arrest
In 2010, the rapper was arrested in New York City for felony criminal mischief and possession of a controlled substance. The case was ultimately dismissed.
Cudi told host Alex Cooper that his wife, Lola Abecassis Sartore, started “laughing” when she found out.
“She’s like, ‘I don’t know who this person is.’ She’s like, ‘All I know is the sweet Scott that I’ve known for, like, years now. This is so funny to me,’” Cudi recalled. “In that moment, I found peace with it.”
The ‘Speedin’ Bullet 2 Heaven’ Album
Cudi told Cooper that he “wanted to die” while working on the record, which was released in 2015.
“I just wanted an excuse to scream on records and express that anger,” Cudi said, confirming that he wanted this album to be a “goodbye.”
According to Cudi, no one knew he was struggling with his mental health. “When I was around my friends, I was happy to not be alone,” he said. “I could keep it to myself. I never wanted to worry my friends.”
Hitting Rock Bottom
In 2016, Cudi “finally” went to rehab after relapsing.
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“From 2015 to 2016, it was the decline getting just darker and darker and darker. Suicide was on my mind all the time. Like, I would daydream about this s***,” he said. “When I relapsed, I was faced with this reality, like, ‘Damn, it’s been six years since I’ve used this s*** and I thought I was past that, and I’m obviously not.’”
Cudi said he was “glad” he got help at that time. “Something would have happened, for sure,” he added.
Going to Rehab
Cudi said that since 2016, his mental state has been “a thousand times better.” He specifically discussed unpacking his “anger” in therapy while in treatment.
“I was a hothead for a long time, a long time, and that was my main issue,” he said. “That was secretly weighing me down, holding me back. In my core, what I realized is that, ‘Scott, you’re a good dude.’”
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
