Marnie’s first serious relationship came when she was 16-years-old.
Warning: This article contains references to strangulation, coercive control and domestic abuse.
She was naturally excited when a former friend became her first boyfriend.
But after a whirlwind few months, everything changed with a slow, determined peeling away of her personality.
“There was isolation, then it was the phone checking,” says Marnie.
As a survivor of abuse, we are not using her real name.
“When I would go out with my friends or do something, I’d get constant phone calls and messages,” she says.
“I wouldn’t be left alone to sort of enjoy my time with my friends. Sometimes he might turn up there, because I just wasn’t trusted to just go and even do something minor like get my nails done.”
He eventually stopped her from seeing friends, shouted at her unnecessarily, and accused her of looking at other men when they would go out.
If she ever had any alone time, he would bombard her with calls and texts; she wasn’t allowed to do anything without him knowing where she was.
He monitored her phone constantly.
“Sometimes I didn’t even know someone had messaged me.
“My mum maybe messaged to ask me where I was. He would delete the message and put my phone away, so then I wouldn’t even have a clue my mum had tried to reach me.”
The toll of what Marnie experienced was only realised 10 years later when she sought help for frequent panic attacks.
She struggled to comprehend the damage her abuser had inflicted when she was diagnosed with PTSD.
This is what psychological abuse and coercive control looks like.
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Young women and girls in the UK are increasingly falling victim, with incidents of domestic abuse spiralling among under-25s.
Exclusive data shared with Sky News, gathered by domestic abuse charity Refuge, reveals a disturbing rise in incidents between April 2024 and March 2025.
Psychological abuse was the most commonly reported form of harm, affecting 73% of young women and girls.
Of those experiencing this form of manipulation, 49% said their perpetrator had threatened to harm them and a further 35% said their abuser had threatened to kill them.
Among the 62% of 16-25 year olds surveyed who had reported suffering from physical violence, half of them said they had been strangled or suffocated.
Earlier this year, Sky News reported that school children were asking for advice on strangulation, but Kate Lexen, director of services at charity Tender, says children as young as nine are asking about violent pornography and displaying misogynistic behaviour.
“What we’re doing is preventing what those misogynistic behaviours can then escalate onto,” Ms Lexen says.
Tender has been running workshops and lessons on healthy relationships in primary and secondary schools and colleges for over 20 years.
Children as young as nine ‘talking about strangulation’
Speaking to Sky News, Ms Lexen says new topics are being brought up in sessions, which practitioners and teachers are adapting to.
“We’re finding those Year 5 and Year 6 students, so ages 9, 10 and 11, are talking about strangulation, they’re talking about attitudes that they’ve read online and starting to bring in some of those attitudes from some of those misogynistic influencers.
“There are ways that they’re talking about and to their female teachers.
“We’re finding that from talking to teachers as well that they are really struggling to work out how to broach these topics with the students that they are working with and how to make that a really safe space and open space to have those conversations in an age-appropriate way, which can be very challenging.”
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Charities like Tender exist to prevent domestic abuse and sexual violence.
Ms Lexen says without tackling misogynistic behaviours “early on with effective prevention education” then the repercussions, as the data for under 25s proves, will be “astronomical”.
At Refuge, it is already evident. Elaha Walizadeh, senior programme manager for children and young people, says the charity has seen a rise in referrals since last year.
“We have also seen the dynamics of abuse changing,” she adds. “So with psychological abuse being reported, we’ve seen a rise in that and non-fatal strangulation cases, we’ve seen a rise in as well.
“Our frontline workers are telling us that the young people are telling them usually abuse starts from smaller signs. So things like coercive control, where the perpetrators are stopping them from seeing friends and family. It then builds.”
Misogyny to violent behaviour might seem like a leap.
But experts and survivors are testament to the fact that it is happening.
