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Ralph V. Parks is an educator in Bangor.
Pride, like many other aspects of character, can be a virtue or a vice. The question is whether what we take pride in is worthy of respect. There are those who take pride in their accomplishments or talents and use them to elevate others, including some teachers, preachers, those in uniforms, and all those who spend their energy trying to make the lives of others better, safer, easier. Some wield their pride as arrogance, as a weapon to make the experiences of others difficult.
A person proud of their own accomplishments typically understands the effort, work, time, and energy that has gone into someone else’s accomplishment. If you are proud, there likely will be someone who wishes to bring you down, not because of you, but because they cannot be proud of themselves. The question therefore is, has the individual used their position and pride in their accomplishment to lift others or to diminish others, to make it easier for others or to make it more difficult.
Those who belittle, demean, ridicule, or use another person’s work and achievement as a method to bring them down, likely has no real pride in their own achievement and fears at their core their achievement is not worth what they wish it to be worth.
If your goal was to lift someone up, you succeed by virtue of your intent, no matter the result. Trying to diminish someone’s self worth typically indicates failure as a person.
Too many people, in the process of elevating themselves, denigrate others. Many in the LGBTQ community have experienced this on the playground, the classroom, at work, and in public.
There is another side to this coin. Many LGBTQ people belittle others for not being like them, for not being ready to take the same steps they have taken, for having concerns that are not yours.
The same is true for unkindness, ridiculing others, or making someone feel diminished through humor. These are unworthy of each of us.
Pride is about being ready to elevate those around us. If you expect others to be an ally, be worthy of an ally. The best way to be worthy of an ally is to be an ally.
In my experience, a gay man who belittles lesbians is not an ally. A lesbian who belittles anyone bi is not an ally. Anyone who feels they were born in the right body who belittles someone who does not is not an ally. Anyone who does not have to worry about getting pregnant, and so has no concern for people who do get pregnant, is not an ally.
If you got your paperwork at birth here and have no feelings for those who would walk a thousand miles with a child in their arms to come here is not an ally. If you feel you are safe and so have no concern for those who do not feel safe you are not an ally. If your religious concerns stop at the door of your house of worship with those of your faith, I do not believe you are an ally worthy of the faith you profess. Do you believe others are worthy of the protection you want and expect for yourself?
Pride is not just about what you can do, be, have, or expect. Pride is about being ready to stand up for the needs of others, for others to have you as an ally.
We are fortunate here in Bangor. We are allowed to have a Pride parade with the support of the city, the police, and emergency providers here to protect us.
If you are proud, congratulations. If you have the luxury of being proud, remember, be an ally of those who do not share your fortune. Then, you will truly have something to be proud of. The justice you want for yourself needs you to be a part of creating justice for everyone. Take pride in being a part of the community of humanity.
