Victoria and David Beckham have always been considered British showbiz royalty — they famously even sat on thrones at their 1999 wedding — but now the family can relate more than ever to the actual royal family, with their current dramas echoing the long-term rifts in the monarchy that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are at the center of.
The latest twist in the two sagas broke on Thursday, May 15: the reports that Brooklyn Beckham and his wife Nicola Peltz had recently joined the Sussexes for dinner at their home in Montecito, California.
Now, family therapists have spoken exclusively to Us Weekly about the parallels between these two sad, ever-evolving and surprisingly relatable dramas — and how, despite the Beckhams and the royals coming from very different backgrounds, some of the details of their situations are eerily similar.
To recap, over the past few weeks, the Beckhams have been embroiled in controversy over eldest son Brooklyn’s no-show at David’s 50th birthday celebrations: the culmination of years of rumors about tension between the 26-year-old’s wife, Nicola, and his parents, plus siblings Romeo, 22, Cruz, 20, and Harper, 13.
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A source exclusively told Us Weekly on May 8 that there’s been “bad blood” since before Nicola and Brooklyn got married in April 2022. “Things never really got smoothed over, and you can tell it still affects everyone,” the source explained. “The tension is still present and it’s hard for Brooklyn at times. Brooklyn’s having a tough time with it. He’s super stubborn and just wants space from his family right now.”
Meanwhile, Prince Harry, 40, has been at the center of an ongoing and very high-profile controversy around his relationship with his family, particularly his father, King Charles, and brother and heir to the throne, Prince William, over his decision to quit royal duties for life in California with Meghan and their two children Archie, 6, and Lilibet, 4.
“I can’t see a world in which I would bring my wife and children back to the U.K. at this point,” he recently told the BBC, after losing his legal challenge for increased government security. “I love my country, I always have done, despite what some people in that country have done.”
Harry added, “I would love reconciliation with my family. There’s no point in continuing to fight anymore. There have been so many disagreements between myself and some of my family. Life is precious. I don’t know how much longer my father has, he won’t speak to me because of this security stuff. It would be nice to reconcile.”
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The wider Beckham family and the royals actually go back a long way: in fact, Brooklyn has known Harry for much of his life, since, as two of the biggest stars in the U.K., David, 50, and Victoria, 51, were often invited to prestigious royal events, sometimes with their kids in tow. The couple even attended Harry and Meghan’s wedding in 2018 and have previously spent time with them in California.
With all this in mind, it’s no wonder the world drew a collective gasp when news broke about that “intimate gathering.” Sure, we all know that Meghan loves being a hostess, and we’re sure some time was spent admiring her crudité platters and dried flower arrangements, but what everyone really wants to know is: did they also talk about what it’s like to be in the thick of a very public storm with your family?
We’ll probably never really know what down at that dinner — well, unless one of the other guests spills the beans (it was a “group dinner” with film execs and fellow VIPs) — but the therapists Us spoke to who have a deep knowledge of family trauma share the universal fascination with these two widely admired but seemingly flawed families. Part of the appeal? The fact that it all makes these beyond A-list figures and their not-so-perfect lives feel so much more relatable for anyone who’s ever really annoyed their parents (like, all of Us?!).
Dr. Carole Lieberman is a Beverly Hills psychiatrist who regularly works with families at war. “There are parallels between the family drama of the Beckhams and that of the Royal Family,” she told Us. “There’s competition to be Mommy and Daddy’s favorite and sibling rivalries amongst themselves.”
Dr. Lieberman also noted that both Brooklyn and Prince Harry have broken the mould by marrying what she called “the bad girl daughter-in-laws” who are blamed in press narratives (often unfairly) for stirring things up. She added: “Meghan is the wild card that prevents Harry’s family from trusting him.”
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Unsurprisingly — but definitely wisely — she ultimately believes that therapy is the solution for both families. “There is always hope that families can resolve their jealousies and resentments if all parties want to be close again,” she said. “The solution is through a combination of individual and family therapy.”
Dr. Gail Saltz MD, Clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College and author of “Becoming Real: Defeating the Stories We Tell Ourselves That Hold Us Back”, also spoke to Us about the two ongoing dramas.
“These are essential human relationships,” she said, noting that the royals in particular have always struggled to reconcile being both a public and private family. “As a mental health professional, it’s a tragedy when the public perception takes precedence over the private relationship,” she said.
Dr. Saltz went on to draw comparisons with the way the Beckhams live their lives. “They, too, are stuck with this public-private conflict,” she said. “In most families, you wouldn’t notice who did or didn’t attend a party. But for them, everything is public and dramatic, which inflames private emotions.”
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Of course, issues with in-laws are something that impact millions of ordinary families, too, with it being almost cliché for parents and siblings to have problems accepting a family member’s choice of life partner. In fact, there’s even a doom-laden Irish proverb that goes “A daughter is a daughter all your life, a son is a son until he takes a wife.”
But what initially seems to come from a good place — wanting the best for the people you love the most in the world, and trying to find the appropriate balance between being both protective and supportive — can quickly turn toxic. “It’s very relatable,” said Dr. Saltz. “Unfortunately, many families go through estrangement. Siblings become estranged, parent-child relationships become estranged.”
She added: “It’s often not about who the individuals are. It’s painful when someone else becomes the primary person in their life. That pain can feel like jealousy or even dislike, regardless of who the new person is. It’s not resolved by retreating, making passive-aggressive statements, or gaslighting, but by acknowledging your own feelings and not personalizing them. Understand that it hurts because it’s a loss, and that’s normal.”
Both of the experts Us spoke to are in agreement that communicating — potentially alongside a therapist, if relationships are too strained to thrash it all out privately — is key to rebuilding the relationships. “I advocate for doing everything possible to avoid estrangement — except in situations of abuse or relationships that are so pervasively and toxically destructive,” Dr. Saltz advised. “That said, even in those circumstances, I am all for periodically reevaluating and making an honest attempt to reconnect.”
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She added: “Ideally, they would sit down and talk about what’s possible for the future, not just rehash the past. True reconciliation requires a certain amount of forgiveness and not keeping score. The hardest thing is being the first one to extend the olive branch. That’s often the biggest part of reconciliation. These conversations shouldn’t begin with blame. Instead of saying ‘you did’ say, ‘I feel really sad. I miss you. I want us to do better.’ That makes it easier to reconnect and feel better together.”
With the surprising news that two of the world’s most high-profile supposed “problem sons” are now in contact with each other and our imaginations going into overdrive about exactly what they might have discussed over one of Meghan’s delicious Honey Lemon Layer Cakes, all eyes will be on their next moves.
