Allison Holker opened up about the death of her late husband, Stephen “tWitch”Boss, and revealed that she made a “triggering” discovery just before his funeral.
Weeks after Boss died by suicide at age 40 in December 2022, Holker, 36, found a “cornucopia” of drugs including mushrooms, pills and “other substances I had to look up on my phone” hidden in Boss’ closet.
“It was a really triggering moment for me because there were a lot of things I discovered in our closet that I did not know existed,” she told People in an interview published Tuesday, January 7. “It was very alarming to me to learn that there was so much happening that I had no clue [about]. It was a really scary moment in my life to figure that out, but it also helped me process that he was going through so much and he was hiding so much, and there must have been a lot of shame in that.”
Holker went on to note that she knew Boss used marijuana during their marriage, explaining that he would often smoke weed in the guesthouse at night after their kids went to bed. (The duo, who wed in 2013, shared daughters Weslie, 16, and Zaia, 5, and son Maddox, 8.)
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“That was his alone time,” she explained. “It was his time to recharge, and that was OK.”
After Boss’ death, Holker read his journals, seeking insight into what happened. She learned that he’d been keeping many things hidden from her, including possible sexual abuse by a male figure during his childhood.
“He was wrestling with a lot inside himself, and he was trying to self-medicate and cope with all those feelings because he didn’t want to put it on anyone because he loved everyone so much,” Holker said. “He didn’t want other people to take on his pain.”
Holker — whose memoir, This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light, hits shelves Tuesday, February 4 — explained that she’s sharing her story in the hope that she can help other people open up about what they’re going through.
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“Through certain discussions, even with friends and things that have been said, reading through his journals … you realize he went through a lot as a child and never faced it,” she said. “It’s hard to think that he never opened up to someone and wanted to face it, to get through on the other side. I really hope people dealing with the same thing will help themselves out of the shadows and [know] you’re going to be OK.”
Last month, Holker marked the second anniversary of Boss’ death via Instagram.
“Our Angel @sir_twitch_alot is watching over us and protecting us. You are always in our hearts and we will always love you. We miss you, Stephen,” she wrote. “Two years with you not here but you are always on our minds. We love you.”
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Following Boss’ death, Holker found love again with boyfriend Adam Edmunds. The duo made their public debut at a September 2024 event during New York Fashion Week.
“I never knew that I could have this again,” Holker exclusively told Us Weekly that same month. “I actually feel like I found such a great love and support system from someone.”
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
