The silence was unbearable. My heart was thumping loudly.
We were sitting in Frank Sutton’s front room watching and waiting for the results of the assisted dying vote to come back.
It seemed like forever.
Frank had her eyes fixed on the screen. I had my eyes fixed on her. I knew what the result would mean for Frank. Because Frank is dying.
She has liver disease. And just last week she was told she has cancer too. She’s been given between three and six months to live but keeps defying the prognosis.
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And, when the result was finally declared, Frank burst into tears.
“I can die in peace now,” she sobbed.
Frank is fiercely independent. But she is losing mobility, struggling to walk unaided and needing to rest for long stretches.
“It’s not just about physical ability,” she explained.
“It’s about being able to do things – you know – in your dying days, not just taking morphine.
“It’s about going out in a wheelchair and walking my dogs with my husband. It’s about the finishing off a felting [needlework] project or something.”
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Frank saw the 2015 attempt to introduce assisted dying fail – and she was not confident this time around.
“People with neurone diseases in big chairs and things like that, how do they feel about their life?” she said.
“I still want to wear heels, look pretty you know, and those things are important. It’s the quality of your life.
“Quality of life for me. Quality of life for my husband, my pets, my friends. Pain can be managed. A lot of that was said today.
“And if pain can be managed, then quality of life can be managed. However, if you don’t have quality of life, you don’t have a life.”
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Frank rejects the idea she’s being selfish, that this decision goes beyond just her and that it will affect everyone, forever.
“My body, my choice,” she said.
Read more:
How did your MP vote on the assisted dying bill?
Assisted dying: What is in the legislation?
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The assisted dying bill still has some way to go and could take up to two years before it can be fully implemented.
Frank knows she might die before then, but she has defied the odds before.
If she is still alive when it happens, she knows she will finally have a choice and control over what happens next.
It’s a life she wants to enjoy until the very last day – until she can’t any more.
