In her upcoming book, Ina Garten reveals that she nearly divorced husband Jeffrey Garten before they found their way back to each other.
In an excerpt from “Be Ready When the Luck Happens,” which will be released on October 1, Ina, now 76, writes about taking a break from her marriage to Jeffrey, now 77, in the 1970s.
“When I bought Barefoot Contessa, I shattered our traditional roles — took a baseball bat to them and left them in pieces. While I was still cooking, cleaning, shopping, managing at the store, I was doing it as a businesswoman, not a wife,” Ina writes, according to People. “My responsibilities made it impossible for me to even think about anything else. There was no expectation about who got home from work first and what they should do, because I never got home from work!”
Ina quit her job in Washington, D.C. to run the Barefoot Contessa in the Hamptons while Jeffrey stayed behind.
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“When Jeffrey came on weekends, he was a distraction. I didn’t pay enough attention to him. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone so I could concentrate on the store,” she recalls. “Jeffrey was fully formed and living the life he wanted to live. I wasn’t, and I wouldn’t be able to figure out who I was or what I wanted unless I was on my own. I needed that freedom.”
The issues in their marriage made Ina consider a divorce.
“I thought about it a lot, and at my lowest point, I wondered if the only answer would be to get a divorce,” she notes. “I loved Jeffrey and didn’t want to shock — or hurt — him, so I’d start by suggesting we pause for a separation.”
Ina calls the decision to press pause on their relationship the “hardest thing” she has ever done, adding, “I told him that I needed to be on my own. I didn’t say whether it was for now or forever. In true Jeffrey form, he said, ‘If you feel like you need to be on your own, you need to do it.’ He packed his bag and went home to Washington with no plan to come back. I buried my emotions and threw myself into my work.”
The couple reconnected when the Barefoot Contessa closed for the winter and Ina moved back home.
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“Jeffrey met me at the [train] station, and when we got to our house, we sat together on the steps outside, reluctant to go in because we were caught between two worlds: the way it used to be when we were Ina and Jeffrey, and the sad way it was now. A painful limbo,” she details. “‘What can I do to change your mind?’ He asked so hopefully, not understanding that I doubted we could make our relationship work, and that we might be heading for divorce.”
Ina continues: “I just couldn’t live with him in a traditional ‘man and wife’ relationship. Jeffrey hadn’t done anything wrong. He was just doing what every man before him had done. But we were living in a new era, and that behavior wasn’t okay with me anymore. I had changed.”
After Jeffrey made an effort by going to therapy, Ina decided to fight for their marriage too.
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“Jeffrey’s willingness to see the therapist was as significant as anything that might happen during their session. He was that determined to convince me he was serious about making our marriage work,” she writes. “Six weeks passed. We talked, we listened, and more important, we heard each other when we aired our concerns. Moving forward, we could be equals who took care of each other. It wouldn’t happen overnight, but if we worked toward the same goal, we could change things together.”
Ina and Jeffrey, who started dating in 1965, have gotten to a much better place.
“We wouldn’t have the relationship we have now if I hadn’t done it,” Ina told People in an interview published on Tuesday, September 17. “It changed him, but it also changed me too.”
Be Ready When the Luck Happens hits bookshelves on October 1.
