Pamela Anderson personally struggled when returning home, but her Vancouver house helped her get into a better mindset.
“I was not in a good space when I moved back to Canada. I don’t know what happened over the last few decades, but I feel so far removed from the image of who I was,” Anderson, 57, said in her Better Homes & Gardens cover story for the Stylemaker Issue, which hits newsstands on August 23. “I felt very sad and lonely. I didn’t feel just misunderstood, I felt like I had really screwed up, that my whole life was a bundle of mistakes.”
Anderson explained that she was “hard” on herself for what she had put her family through over the years.
“I came to a point where I decided to move home and disappear and get into my garden,” she shared. “And when I started building my garden, it was really like a metaphor of putting my life back together. I began planting seeds, and the smallest things became really profound.”
Pamela Anderson Gushes Over Son Dylan on His Birthday: ‘I Adore You’
The actress got her start in Hollywood as a Playboy model and her breakout role in Baywatch. Anderson also made headlines for her love life, especially her whirlwind romance with ex-husband Tommy Lee. The pair share two sons, Brandon Thomas Lee, 28, and Dylan Jagger Lee, 26.
“People have this pneumatic kind of image of me from Playboy to Baywatch, to my rock ’n’ roll type of husbands, to everything else,” she reflected on her reputation. “And as much as I threw every dinner party and cooked all those meals for family and my kids, it wasn’t what was seen publicly. But I also played into the image that was created around me.”
While Anderson was blaming herself for her past decisions, she decided to vacate Malibu and return back to her Canadian roots. She “didn’t plan” on giving herself a “healing experience” with her move, it just happened organically.
“It was like I went back home to ‘face it and erase it,’ as they say, to face things from back then that weren’t very comfortable,” she said. “That brought everything rushing back. I slowly started working through it while putting all my heart and soul into my garden.”
Anderson’s garden features a variety of fruit and vegetable plants that she tends to herself. She has a station in her yard where she jars and cans her produce. Her yard also includes a picnic area nestled in the middle of the trees, where she can enjoy quality time with her sons. Now, Anderson is looking back on her past with a new perspective, which she is grateful for.
“I’m glad I did all that, but I’m really glad I’m where I am now,” she confessed. “I think the most important part is, I made it through all of it. And now it’s such a relief that I get to be myself and enjoy this time.”
In addition to finding tranquility in the garden, Anderson is also releasing a cookbook that hits shelves in October. Anderson confessed she got the idea to create the book from her son, Brandon.
“The cookbook started out as a housewarming gift for my sons. I remember my mom used to have these recipe cards in a box. I decided I had to find the ultimate recipe card box,” she said. “The box was for the boys, who had just bought a house together, and their girlfriends, all four of them. Of course, my son Brandon, being the businessman, said, ‘This is a book, Mom.’ And so we did it, and titled the book I Love You since that was engraved on the recipe box.”
