PATTEN, Maine — The decision by Patten officials to recently enforce an 11-year-old cemetery policy came as a shock to some families when they visited the graves of loved ones this month.
Thirty-year-old lilac bushes, long-ago planted bleeding hearts, peonies from the 1960s and other flora that have been growing over loved ones’ graves for decades had been sawed off, leaving only stumps to dot the previously lush landscape.
“It was heartbreaking, and there is no going back,” said Lynne Porter of Crystal, who has been making a weekly ritual of tending graveside plants for years with her mother, Barbara McCarthy Porter of Patten. “So many people, family, friends are there, and we didn’t even get a chance to get a slip of the plant before it was gone.”
The town graveside decorations cemetery policy, first enacted in 2013 and updated last year, does not allow in-ground plantings at gravesites.
Town Manager Gail Albert said the bushes had to go because the roots were destroying the gravestones, and some people complained the town was not enforcing the policy.
“There isn’t much of a story here. The policy does not allow planting of trees and shrubs,” Albert said, adding that she doesn’t know of any cemeteries that allow the planting of trees and shrubs.
In Maine there are many garden-like cemeteries, including Mount Hope Garden Cemetery in Bangor, Evergreen Cemetery in Portland and Laurel Hill Cemetery in Saco. Belfast has a town ordinance that no longer allows the in ground planting of trees and shrubs, but existing plantings in their eight cemeteries were grandfathered in and remain, something several town residents said Patten should have considered.
Grief experts say that the planting of memorial trees and shrubs is a way to help people deal with their grief, giving them a lasting connection to loved ones.
Albert said the town notified people about the no in-ground planting policy. It is also on the town website, was posted at the grocery store and was in the fall newsletter, she said.
Lynne Porter said she was not aware it was happening, but did later see a notice outside the grocery store with a June 1 deadline.
Earlier this month Lynne Porter and her mother made their annual spring ritual to the cemetery, hoping to see new buds emerging and to tend to the graves of many family members. There was nothing left but stumps, she said.
“There are people, loved ones, under the stones,” Lynne Porter said.
Lynne Porter’s family moved to Patten from Aroostook County in the 1940s and farmed and logged. Her grandfather, who died in 1964 when she was young, loved lilacs, and the lilac tree cut down in the cemetery was planted in his honor, she said.
Porter said she and others would have fought to save plants at the cemetery, much like the town saved the 1845 Regular Baptist Church built by Patten’s founders from demolition last year. Patten residents voted 82 to 5 in April 2023 during the annual town meeting to transfer ownership of the church from the town to the Patten Historical Society.
“There is no rallying to save the cemetery,” Lynne Porter said. “They did it before the June 1 deadline and before we could do anything to stop it.”
Last week Porter started a growing Facebook group, Respect, Empathy and Respect, with more than 100 members concerned about the destruction of the plants at the cemetery. The private group has been discussing the sadness, anger and loss they feel.
“Just went to the cemetery. My uncle’s grave has had peonies growing on it since he died in the late 1960s and early 1970s,” one man posted. “I proudly informed his widow and his daughter that they were up about 8-inches a few days ago. Today…GONE. Weed-whacked. So unnecessary!!”
“I don’t understand how the people who made this terrible decision can justify it. How can they think this is an appropriate way to honor the loved ones we’ve lost?” a woman posted.
“The heartache of seeing mature, healthy and well maintained 30-year-old shrubs, and flowers chopped down and destroyed with no thought to the compounded grief to family members must be addressed, “ another woman posted.
Porter is scheduled to speak at the next Select Board meeting at 5:30 p.m. and she is asking others to join her.
“I am interested in a sincere apology for the unnecessary heartache their actions caused,” she said. “I would like to see policies apply equally to all, and some common sense would go a long way. And I would like to see a bit more transparency in some of the town’s actions moving forward.”
